But I like sharing amusing things and I find this deeply funny. Up until this point I’ve preferred to play my originals and even many covers myself precisely because I liked the slight mess of it. I like when things wobble a bit. But now, for what I believe is the first time in my life, the house is trashed and I’m face planting! The mess is just mess and the wobble quickly topples me over.

I was so happy it was home, but seeing it like that felt much worse than I anticipated. I kept that stale, moldy air in my chest for weeks and only exhaled my grief privately. It was and wasn’t back.

I defied that little/big voice in my head telling me that every moment must be full of the most profound version of itself. In doing so I literally walked into the texture of sound and image I was craving. And what’s more, I made meaning out of it all the same. I don’t want to miss out on the beautiful moments in life, the inspired steps and sounds, by obsessively trying to find and/or create them.

There’s a deep grief I feel thinking of all the disastrous working conditions across the spectrum from the next-to-nothing wages and exploitative labour experienced by migrant workers to the unsustainable and stifling workspaces at prominent publishing companies (Like DUP). Unions are an important way to transform this grief into something good, to transform workspaces into communities of equity and reciprocity.

“All this to say that the work these union folks are doing is bold and leaves them vulnerable to high paid corporate lawyers and executives that can and often will put exorbitant profits above basic worker needs.”

“I’m sure I’ll have more reflections in the weeks and months ahead about my time in that place. I’m sure I’ll write many more songs influenced by that time of deep distress, of quirky friendships and captivity in the months and years to come but for now I’m content to have written one song for and about those lovely people, broken, hurting, vibrant and tremendously resilient.”

“Lullabies are written to put us to sleep. But what kind of sleep is up to the context. Sometimes we fall asleep out of exhaustion, physical mental or at times spiritual. The dark night of the soul might lead us into a yearning for rest, for hope, for dreams.”

“Will you join me in the yearning of these undercurrents? A hope for substantial peace, for struggle that doesn’t bow to the powers of destruction in this world and eyes to see and hands to do. Our predecessors have asked us to go up to the mountain, to receive revelation and to struggle in this life for that which promotes thriving, love and justice.”

“Water is falling on my head, I pull up the hood of my dusty pink blazer and listen to the quiet bubbling water. I can see bits of trash here and there and feel a twinge of homesickness for the Eno River and my favorite spots along the Westpoint trails. All the same I am grateful for this little wooded path and thin stream a 5 minute walk from my apartment. I know this will feel like home soon.”

“But there is a maternal nostalgia I feel for those innocent, playful, tired, sad, etc. times of childhood. I hope regardless of your experiences, that this song can take you somewhere that you feel safe, some place that’s home.”

“It fits that water would be involved on all sides of this adventure. A childhood started on a peninsula, riding on boats and living on a small island, moving to the big city and still finding myself living by a river— from which the subdivision got its name— and finally flying over all that water to get to my soon to be adult home.”

“I wait in hope that the beauty that I see today — that I didn’t see a few weeks ago— is only just building. That I will again find myself awestruck, dancing under the stars, spending long twinkling nights creating something for us.”

“It’s not destruction that should be denied it’s what we choose to rid ourselves of. 
 
Whether you want to think of it as a burning flame or open spaces my hope is that you would find ways today and the next to gain courage, to feel your value and to live an authentic life based in hope, passion and compassion. I hope you burn brightly and expand out and in. “

“The backyard was the closest I could get to feeling a handle on where I was. Though, sometimes the trees have helped me to get lost at the right times for the right reasons too. Open spaces have expanded to include the sheltered reach of the tree branches and the expansive shadows they cast all around. I don’t see the horizon living outside but these tall trees and this open air will do.”

“I offer these companioning images taken around my home this year. I felt astonished when I took them and I feel transported back there when I see them still. They are woven into my lyrics, melodies and rhythm guitar.”

“So I will keep trying to be present with you, dear reader, in this time of exploration and vulnerability as I face the fear. Because it isn't only what I fear that waits...waiting too are hope and revelation and a life worth living.”

“This ultimately led me to name the piece Easter Ideation. Even in the mud I couldn’t help but see the sprouts coming up and even during suicidal ideation something whispered “resurrection” in my ear. Not always and not often, but significantly enough that I was able to write this song as a suicide note with a counter melody of hope. In the end life won.”

“At some point during the song I felt a calm settle in the room and suddenly I was singing to the quiet, with my eyes still closed, repeating “there are muses all around.” When I opened my eyes I saw them all around, standing with glasses of beer, wine and cocktails, gathered around tables with friends—I saw the muse in their eyes and I felt profoundly grateful for another night to share music and time with friends and strangers in a room filled with music.”

“My hope, prayer and intention going forward is to uncover and practice art that grows and breaths and lives in the context of this truly screwed up world and that reflects my convictions and the respect and liberatory work I owe to others.“

“I found myself swept up in the experience of being in this big city, navigating public transportation for the first time since my days in Manila and feeling all the feels of a city girl who has been too long away from the crowded and bustling metropolitan days of her youth.“